Some photographs:

We had a bit of a crappy day on Friday. Des' Aunt died and we attended her funeral. It was such a sad day and there were lots of tears. She had battled cancer for a number of years, and although I never met her, I heard lots of things from both Des, and his Mum over the years.

To cheer us up, we visited the kids on our way home. The twins have been poorly all week, and Emily had been sick overnight, but when we arrived, everyone seemed to be fine. Emily was playing on the trampoline!

I bought a new lens for my camera last week, so I was really looking forward to trying it out...And of course, my little model Thomas, was happy to smile and have his photograph taken a million times! Heh!

We probably spent 2 hours with the kids, and when it was time to go, we gave everyone kisses and cuddles...and Thomas cried his little heart out! So Des said "Are you coming with us?!" And he grabbed Des' hand and started walking to the car with us! This is the first time he's wanted to come with us...Normally he's a mummys boy and clings to his mum when we leave! lol!

As we were leaving (Thomas holding Des' hand), Des tripped over Emilys bike & Tom fell...But he wanted cuddles from Des & me & not his parents! He started smiling and then carried on walking to the car with us! When we handed him back to his Mum, he cried and cried with his arms open to us!!

When Emily was little, we lived 2+ hours away (like we do now) and didn't have a car, so we missed all of that with her. Since Tom has been born, we've made a huge effort to visit at least every 2-3 weeks and we've seen him in his first few days of walking, when he started saying a couple of words etc. I'm so happy that we'll get to be a regular visitor throughout the twins' baby years too!

So...Are you ready to see the photographs? I'm in love with my new lens!

Thomas:

The Twins:

Ethan & Euan together

Ethan:

Euan:

Another Birthday!

It was my best friends 21st last week. I ordered her a big bouquet of flowers and had them delivered to her as a gift! They were so pretty! Heh!

Sarah had a party the other week. I was being a dedicated driver, so I wasn't able to have a drink...But even without booze, it was a great night!

Happy 21st Sarah!!

Now onto the pics (please excuse the red eyes & crappy quality - I was borrowing my mums camera!):

Happy Birthday, Em!

My neice turned 8 yesterday. Yikes, makes me feel sooooooo old! I remember when she was a teeny tiny shy little baby dancing around the lounge with her teletubbies rucksack!

Yup, it's scary - like I just blinked and she turned 8! How on earth did that happen?!

Des & I are taking her to the cinema on Sunday morning. We'll probably pick up Thomas afterwards and go to the aquarium or shopping later on in the day too. I can spoil her rotten, just like Aunties should! Maybe get her a DS game or something.

I can't wait to see the kids again. It's been 3 weeks since I last saw them, and it's scary how much they all change in that short space of time. The twins grow and their facial features change, Tom can say more words and he's more interactive, and Emily grows! Scary stuff this growing up lark!

Wedding sneaky peek - My jewellery...

I wasn't able to get really nice photographs of my jewellery because the lighting is crap, but I think you get the general idea with the pics I've taken.

I went into Chester with my Mum to get the jewellery. Another Debenhams buy, just like the adult bridesmaids dresses, the flowergirl outfit & my tiara!

Debenhams have a lovely jewellery counter especially for wedding jewellery and tiaras. The price of the stuff is really good, too! I'm thinking of getting my adult bridesmaids jewellery from there so that they can wear it on the day and be somewhat matching me.

Wedding sneaky peek - Emilys dress...

My flower girl is my neice, Emily. I have never met a more wonderful little girl than Emily!

We took Emily shopping about 2 weeks ago to get her dress. We trapsed around Llandudno bridal stores and department stores for her dress. First was a bridal store where the person was the rudest bitch EVER! We left there without even trying dresses on! The next stop was another bridal store where Emily tried on 2 dresses - both beautiful.

The dresses in the bridal store were lovely and all handmade by the owner. She tried on a beautiful pink dress, but it cost more than my adult bridesmaids dresses, and I just couldn't justify that much on a dress for her that will be used for dress up afterwards!

The final stop was a department store - Debenhams! They have a really lovely kids bridal section there, and we tried on I think 6 dresses. We managed to get the dress, a cardigan, shoes and tights from there for less than 50% of the cost of dresses in the bridal store! Wooo!

Emily chose her own dress. She picked this one because "It's beautiful and doesn't have itchy netting under the skirt!". At my SILs wedding, Emily had a dress that had netting under the skirt. Since she has sensitive skin, the netting was driving her mad all day and night!

I didn't manage to get any pics of Emilys shoes or tights. They're being kept at my parents house, and I don't know where my mum has put them. The tights are ivory and the shoes are ivory and glittery!

Check out the beading on the cardigan! It's so pretty and will look even prettier when Emily is wearing the full outfit!

Wedding sneaky peek - Sarah's dress...

My best friend and bridesmaid - Sarah!

We tried on hundreds of dresses, and despite Des saying to me "Choose any colour except pink!", we went for a pink dress! Reds, blues, lilacs, greens, browns and blacks did nothing at all for her as she has such a light complexion.

We spent 2 weekends dress shopping, and finally settled on this one. We knew it was the perfect dress as soon as she put it on!

In the pics, you don't get the full effect. It looks FABULOUS on her, and the way it ruffles around the stomach and drops down matches my dress perfectly!

Wedding sneaky peek - the tiara...

So I said I'd do a few posts with a sneaky peek into the wedding! Tonights post is my tiara!

I tried on about 20 different tiaras and fell in love with another one, which was double the price of this one. The tiara I liked was one that went right around my head, but since I'm having my hair mostly up for the wedding, I needed something smaller...

...My neice was with me when the tiara was picked, and she chose this one. She said I looked like a princess, so that was good enough for me! SOLD!

Wedding Stuff!

Well...it's all sorted now...Everything apart from the rings that is! I've added a wedding countdown application to my iPhone...And it currently stands at 5 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, 40 minutes, 9 seconds! Wooo!

Since I'm all out of inspiration, I thought I would do a few posts over the course of the next few weeks that are kind of like a sneeky peek into the wedding!

So...Here is the first sneeky peek - Our wedding song. Amazed, by Lonestar. Here are the lyrics:

Every time our eyes meet

This feeling inside me

Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me

I can feel how much you love me

And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts

I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin

The taste of your kiss

The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me

Baby you surround me

You touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time, every time

I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

Chorus

Solo

Every little thing that you do

I'm so in love with you

It just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life

With you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do

Baby, I'm amazed by you

I've been busy because...

...I'm getting married!!

The big day is September 5th, 2009, which according to my ticker, is 6 months and 13 days away! Holy crap - that will creep up on me fast!

The church ceremony is booked for 4:00pm on September 5th, at my parents local church. We're not having a sit-down meal, but a buffet at the reception straight after. The hotel where we're having the reception have held all their rooms for my guests and have given us the bridal/honeymoon suite for free! Yay!

My dress was bought and paid for on Tuesday. It's beautiful! A bit more than I wanted to spend, but it was cheap for a designer dress - especially one that is new out this season! And in the grand scheme of things, £630 is nothing!

I've still not got the bridesmaids dresses sorted out or the colour scheme, which means Des can't order his suit! However, I'm going to a wedding fair on Sunday, so hopefully we can pick out a dress then! Once that's picked, we can sort the colour scheme and Des can order his and his best mans suit!

My neice, Emily is being my flowergirl, and my nephew, Thomas is being the ring bearer! Des' twin brother is flying back from South Africa to be the best man and all the plans seem to be going okay for now. It's quite stressful though!

Talking of stress, I'm still waiting for my period to bloody arrive! I must be stressing majorly! Day 37 and no sign! I seriously cannot be pregnant when I get married because I'll never squeeze into my dress! It's already a snug fit because I plan on dropping 3 dress sizes (minimum) before September - They can take the dress in, but they can't let it out! LOL! I need my period to come so I can temporarily go on the pill!

So...The ticker...

Happy 2nd birthday little man!!

January 26th marked my nephews 2nd birthday! He's changed so much in the past 2 years it's incredible to watch!

We visited yesterday to deliver his card and some money for him...And we also picked up an 'In the night garden' balloon on the way! The balloon was a hit and Tom found it hilarious to punch! Heh!

Uncle Des is now a firm friend of Tom's after playing with him non-stop for the entire day!!

My little man is 2! Yikes! Makes me feel really old!

Ah, crap! They're so alike, I can't tell them apart!

For the past nine weeks, I've been extremely proud of myself that I can tell my twin nephews apart. Well, not anymore!

The way I could tell was by their hair specifically. Euan has always had really smooth hair, whereas Ethan has had fluffy hair. Well in the 7 days since I last saw them, Euan's hair has gone EXACTLY like Ethan's! Yikes, I cannot tell who is who...And I'm not stripping them off each time I want to know who is who to find Euans birthmark!

There is still only a 1lb weight difference between them, but it's not noticeable unless you're holding them.

Zoe, Thomas & I took the twins to have their baby portraits done on Thursday. This same studio did Emily & Thomas' portraits when they were only a few weeks old. Zoe has one of each of the kids in her lounge - It's a black background with the baby wrapped in a feather boa, which is the one she wanted of the twins too.

What a nightmare! Ethan was so good during the session, but Euan was pretty much crying constantly! What would probably take about half an hour with one baby took more like 2 hours, and Euan still wouldn't have an individual portrait!

My back was agony after the shoot - I had to kneel on the floor with my body leaning kind of behind the reflector and one hand under the material holding Ethans head, and the other holding his bottom in place. 2 hours of that = not fun!

Zoe wanted a pic of all 4 kids, but Thomas and Euan weren't happy with that! Although the photographer did get one of Emily by herself. Since Thomas will stay still and pose for me, we did have a backup plan that I would take my camera along too and if he got fussy, I would pretend I was taking the pic! Yeah, it didn't happen! He will not have his picture taken by anyone else, and he knew I wasn't really taking a picture because I wouldn't show him the picture I had just taken! lol!

Zoe is getting all 7 pics (7 in 2 hours - that's it!) and the one of the twins wrapped in feather boas is being made big like the canvases I have of Tom & Emily - And she's giving it to me! I'm excited to get it, as I can't yet set the babies up outside and get a picture of them against a nice background because of the cold weather! I will definitely be getting them outside in summer though!

After the ordeal of the photographs, we went to the local pub/restraunt with an indoor soft play area. I've always wanted to take pics of the kids in the ball pool, but I've been afraid to because of all the other kids around! I'm a wierd like that and don't want anyone to think I'm photographing their kids.

The meal was nice, and afterwards we went to the play area for an hour! Just my luck that there was a kids party going on - so there were like 30 kids running round in there! Anyway, I dragged Emily into the toddler area (the kids party was full of 6-7 yr olds) and got her in the ball pool to get my picture! Tom was too busy using the curly slide in the big kids area! Next time, I'm getting a pic of Tom in the ball pool!

I've not really had a chance to sort through the pics yet, but I'll get there eventually! Here's a couple of the kids:

Another day at the zoo!

This time, in -1 degree weather! It's the coldest zoo day I've ever had! I had picked up a friend from work, his wife and their 15 month old son first thing. As they don't drive and I was going anyway, I thought it was nice to ask them along!

Since I had a child in the car, I didn't go over 60mph the whole way there, so a normal 1 hour (max) journey took me close to 90 minutes! Ah well, the important thing is that we got there safely!

Anyway, the zoo was so quiet so we went in straight away & met one of my friends cousins there. We wandered round to see the elephants, the bat house and a few other animals and then we settled for our picnic! We sat outside eating our food and it was just so cold! We had to then rush to the cafe to get a hot drink! Heh!

We then spent a while wandering round leisurely letting Leon (the 15 month old) walk himself. We saw the elephants again, the littler monkeys, the caotis and some others.

The zoo has a new butterfly enclosure located behind the condors and next to the caotis but before the cattle and giraffes. My camera was steaming up something terrible, so the one photograph I got was blurry! Ugh! As we were in the butterfly house and walking through admiring all of the beautiful colours, I spotted a blue butterfly on the ground struggling to fly. Its wing looked damaged, but I thought that because of the humidity and the fact that a bit of water had gathered on the floor, it was just stuck and would walk onto the tree bark and dry off. Anyway, that butterfly died =o( Only took like 5 seconds. But the keeper scooped it up.

Next stop was to see the jaguars, but they were sleeping so we didn't catch sight of them unfortunately. Nor did we see the tigers who were our next stop. Our last big enclosure of the day was the lions. I had talked the whole way about photographing Chakra (the new lion cub) so I was really excited.

As we approached the lion enclosure, there was a sign saying that Chakra had to be euthanized on Friday January 9th due to a developmental disorder. I was just gutted...Asha (Chakras Mum) was nowhere to be seen, and Asoca (Chakras Dad) just looked really sad lying down. Poor things. I got all choked up and we didn't stay there long.

On our way back to the exit, we went to see the frog exhibit, which is another new one. We also saw the komodo dragons and tropical things and finally the reptile house. We also dropped by the chimp enclosure, but we only saw a lot of chimp bottoms as they were in the back being fed by the keepers. The Orangs and gibbons were also out of sight - they must have been sleeping!

All in all, it was a good day despite a lot of animals not being out and the weather being atrocious! I learnt how to take macro photos with my camera, and finally got the hang of photographing through glass, so it was a bit of a learning curve for me! And since Leon had walked around almost the whole day (impressive) he slept all the way home and didn't even wake up when we carried him inside! It was a peaceful drive home!

Now this final photograph I took is of my friends 15 month old son. The light was terrible as it had started going dark, and I wasn't able to take the picture properly with a wiggling 15 month old trying to climb of the tortiose statue! Anyway, it's his wifes birthday soon, and I was thinking about enlarging the photograph (I like his smile on it), even though I know it's not really that sharp...What do you think? Would you be happy receiving it large & in a frame as a gift? Also, any photoshop pro's that read this - Can I make it any sharper? I'm thinking his facial features don't stand out that much...

I spent the day with my nephews today!

It was a fun day, as usual!

I got there for around 11am to a house full of screaming babies! Heh! Didn't take long to get them quiet though! The babies just wanted cuddles, and Tom just wanted to watch CBeebies! An easy fix in a few short minutes!

After everyone had calmed down, I carried one of the twins upstairs and Zoe had hold of the other, and Tom, Ethan & Euan had a bath! There was a bit more crying from the babies and lots of splashing from Tom! He's the funniest kid I've ever come across!

After the bath, it was picture time! Tom is such a poser! Heh! Apparently I'm the only person that he allows to take his picture! I hope that the twins love posing as much as Tom when they get a little older!

Anyway, the twins are 8 weeks old today, and they're looking even more alike as they grow. The only difference is their 1lb weight difference, their hair, and Euan has a birthmark on his chest! So, with being 8 weeks old comes their very first injections =o(

Zoe and I took the kids to the doctor so that they could see the health visitor and the doctor and have their injections. The stats are as follows:

Ethan: 8lbs 11.5ozs...He gained a whole pound this week alone! I forget the length of him and head circumference, though!

Euan: 7lbs 11ozs...He gained a whole pound last week and I think 3 pounds this week! Again, I have forgotten his length and head circumference already!

After the health visitor checked them, we moved into the next room to see the doctor. He examined them and determined them to be fit and healthy enough for their injections!

The poor babies had to have a jab in each thigh. Yeouch! They took it like true champions though, and only cried for a few seconds per injection. Euan was first to have his jab, and whilst Ethan was having his done, Aunty Claire was on hand to give Euan his much needed cuddles and kisses! I got the little man dressed and cuddled him lots and lots!

Next stop was the pharmacy for the twins' vitamins and folic acid. Everyone was making a fuss of the babies, so Aunty Claire kept Tom occupied and entertained...And he fell asleep after a few minutes!

A woman followed us out of the pharmacy and chased us down the road to have a peek at the twins! As we were getting them in the car, she had gone and grabbed her daughter to come and have a look!!

When we got back, I decided it was time for me to go so I could miss some of the rush hour traffic. I shouldn't have bothered as the traffic was awful - so I decided to go and visit my parents instead of coming straight home.

Now I'm home and preparing for tomorrows day out...At the ZOO!! I hope you're looking forward to the pics of the zoo, as I'm sure there will be hundreds!

January 12th, 2009

Marks the 5th anniversary of my first miscarriage. I still can't believe that 5 years have passed me by!

The day was pretty crappy, as all of my plans went tits up. I just kept thinking that tomorrow is a new day, and it got me through.

Of course, there were a few emotional moments and some moment of "I wonder what s/he would be doing today?" etc.

Fingers crossed that next year will be better and I have something/someone else to focus my attention on (I say that every pear and it never happens, but oh well)!

New Years Goals

I have a few goals this year. Those of you that read my blog or know me in person, will know that I've been trying for a baby for over 5 years now...All of my goals for this year I've centered around my dream to become a mother.

1) Quit smoking
2) Lose weight
3) Keep pestering the doctor for fertility treatments
4) Save more money
5) Randomly act out of kindness wherever possible
6) Take some photography classes

So, I do have the beginnings of a plan in place to put all of these into place.

Quitting Smoking:

Many of you will know that I did a stint of not smoking for 6 or 7 months back in 2006/2007. I started smoking once again after my mum, sister and dad were all hospitalized within a period of 2 months.

I also started my newest quit plan on December 1st, although I've had a few stresses that have made the goal hard to acheive. I know it's just making excuses...Next year WILL be different.

I have a supply of nicotine patches from when I went to the smoking clinic at the beginning of the month, and also some nicotine losenges. They'll be handy when I quit from January 1st.

Losing Weight:

My weight has never bothered me too much. I've never had any type of illness from being overweight, I don't have issues with blood pressure or heartbeat, I can exercise and walk for extended periods of time without falling down from exhaustion and I've always been comfortable in my own skin. However, I know that this could be one of the factors preventing me from conceiving.

I was thinking to myself that if I wanted my dream to come true so much, then I would do whatever it takes. If losing weight may help, even just the slightest bit, it's worth doing. And besides, it would possibly mean that any pregnancy would be healthier anyway, so that's a good way to look at it in my opinion.

At the MoA forum, a group of regular posters are going to lose the weight together and help each other out. Jane has had an idea which I am going to steal from her...Her goal is to walk to Magic Kingdom by the date her daughter, Freja's, isolation period is finished.

I don't know where I want to 'walk' to in terms of distance, but I think it's a good way to do things, and something that will personally motivate me! I'll be going shopping for a pedometer at some point this week!

Pestering my GP for a fertility clinic referral/fertility treatment:

This is not going to be an easy feat. My GP has told me that he wouldn't be looking to refer me to a fertility clinic till I'm 30. I've decided that if he doesn't want to refer me, then I will wave goodbye and try to find a different GP who is willing to help me.

My personal opinion on this whole age thing, is that if a patient is mature enough, stable enough emotionally and financially, willing to go to any kind of length to have a child etc, then they should not be telling them to wait 8 years to get help. That is ridiculous. He wouldn't even offer me treatment for the PCOS, other than going on the birth control pill to regulate my cycle and make it lighter.

We'll try wholeheartedly for a baby over the next 12 months, and if we can get a referral to a fertility clinic, great, if not and we've tried different GP's, private healthcare etc, then we'll consider our other options. First on the list would be paying way over the odds to go to the private hospital and getting a consultation for IUI/IVF/whatever they recommend, secondly we'd look at the possibility of surrogacy and adoption. I'm not sure how those options would work for us, but we will cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

Save more money:

Pretty easy one, but something we need to work into our lower budget. It may take a couple of months to get some steady savings going, but I want to have £1,000 saved by the end of 2009.

Randomly act out of kindness wherever possible:

I've seen this kind of thing on TV and online, where people will go to the McDonalds drive thru, for example, and pay for the person behind them to eat...Or go to a coffee shop and pay for the next persons coffee etc.

I like to think that I do sort of do random acts of kindness already by taking my neice/nephew out for no particular reason, or helping someone in the family. Heck, even offering to pick my friends up from town after a boozy night or whatever. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I want to branch out a little...Act kindly towards a stranger...We'll see how that works out as I don't really have a clear cut way of how I'm going to do this!

Take some photography classes:

For the past 6 years, since I've left school and worked full-time, my weekends have been taken up with working. Every other Saturday I work between 1pm and 9pm...and I HATE IT! Finally, I'm doing a 'normal' 9am - 5pm shift, and after January I won't be working weekends anymore, so I have two days in a row off work every week!

I planned to do some online classes for photography with the Open University in May, however, the money I put aside for it had to be spent on house stuff, so I never took the classes afterall. Next month I'm going to have a look at some local colleges that offer weekend classes, and I will be looking to sign up on Saturday mornings. I'd like to learn the ins and outs of my camera, learn about photoshop and also about studio set ups and lighting. That should keep me busy for a while, and if I get good at photography, I might even be able to earn some extra cash on a Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning!

So, those are my goals. And I'm really willing to change my entire lifestyle to accomplish them!

On a slightly unrelated note...My sister-in-law messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could e-mail her some of the photographs I took of the kids this year...I sent about 200 edited shots to her of Emily, Thomas, Ethan and Euan, and she put them on memory cards for everyone in the family both on her side and her husbands side.

I went to my other sister-in-laws Christmas/New Year/Anniversary/Birthday/House warming party yesterday, and she was displaying all of the pics on her HUGE digital photo frame and they were getting lots of really nice comments...That made me feel so good!

I'm going to offer my 3rd sister-in-law my not-yet-so-great services and put together a maternity/baby scrapbook or photobook if she decides she'd like me to do it. I'm not really that close to her, but she's 20+ weeks pregnant with her first baby and since I do this for my sister-in-law, Zoe, all the time, I think it would be nice to offer to do the same for her, too!